8 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Relationships - Sanity & Self | 3 comments

8 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Whether your relationship is long-term or new, there may be times that leave you wondering if your relationship would be deemed a healthy relationship, or an unhealthy relationship. Do you ever wonder if your relationship is normal? If the way your partner talks to you or treats you is normal and healthy? Any long-term monogamous relationship is bound to go through rough times. This doesn’t always mean you need to think about ending the relationship. But if your relationship is toxic, or abusive that’s a different story. Both emotional or mental abuse and physical abuse are red flags that your relationship may in fact be unhealthy.

8 Signs You’re of an Unhealthy Relationship

“I want to leave but I’m addicted to him/her.”

A healthy relationship is not an addictive feeling. A healthy relationship means that you feel grateful for coming back together but you appreciate your times apart as well.  This can often accompany the feelings of great intensity in the relationship like moving too quickly, feeling too strongly at this phase of the relationship, or feeling like your significant other is obsessed with you.

“My partner is SO jealous!”

Jealousy is not a compliment or a sign that your partner truly loves you, in fact it can be just the opposite. Extreme jealousy is often a manipulation tool used by narcissistic partners, emotionally abusive partners, and physically abusive partners.  If your partner is doing things like monitoring your phone, questioning platonic relationships, or even insisting that you end friendships with the opposite sex consider whether this is a red flag in your situation. This can also show up as constantly accusing you of cheating when you have been nothing but faithful. Out of proportion jealousy can be a serious red flag.

“I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.”

Gaslighting behavior including manipulating you into doubting your own decisions, or doubting people close to you who you would normally turn to for advice is a particularly toxic type of manipulative behavior. It leads to another type of red flag which is isolating you from others in your world. If your partner separates you from friends and family then you have only them to rely on. This is definitely a sign that your relationship may be toxic and unhealthy.

“My partner calls me names–and I don’t mean pet names.”

Your significant other should be the person who always sees the best in you, even when you screw up. They should never be the person making you feel insecure, inferior, incapable or like you’re not worthy of love and affection. Name-calling is the lowest form of emotional abuse and over time it will definitely impact your confidence and sense of self, making it a major red flag.

It’s all my fault.”

If your partner makes you feel like you’re the reason for things that go wrong in their life and they blame you for things you didn’t do this is a very strong form of emotional abuse. Another form of this is refusing to accept any responsibility for the things they have done. Blaming you for their actions, making you feel as though you’re the one to blame for their temper, or their bad behavior is a classically abusive trait common in narcissistic personalities

“Our relationship is so volatile!”

What may seem exciting in the beginning of a relationship can turn into something more dangerous as time wears on. Your partner’s sudden outbursts of temper, uncontrollable anger at things that is out of proportion can not only grow into a situation that is unsafe, it’s also not healthy.

“We have sex every night!”

This one may seem backwards at first, but when you’re guilted into having sex when you do not want to, or pressured into sex acts that you’re not comfortable with this is a sign of manipulation and abuse. This includes being guilted into having sex, or being told that the sex you have is not satisfying to your partner and that’s your fault.

“I feel so betrayed!”

Betrayal may seem like an obvious red flag in a relationship but often it’s the final manipulation or form of abuse in a long pattern of things. By the time you find out your partner is talking to other women, or has had an affair with another woman or women, you may already feel so hopeless you’re not sure what to do. And a very manipulative partner can easily convince you that it’s your fault, or that they deserve another chance. Of course, every situation is different. But if you’re questioning whether or not your relationship is healthy, or considering if your relationship may be toxic that is already an answer to your question. People in healthy relationships don’t question if their relationship is healthy or not. Generally speaking if you’re wondering if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it’s likely that you are. If you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, or a toxic relationship you may consider couples therapy, or marriage counseling. Therapy is an amazing tool to help change destructive patterns that have developed in an unhealthy relationship and toxic relationship.

From the Sanity & Self Community

“If they hide things. EVEN if it’s small. Those small things turn into big things if not addressed.” Krystal “Absolutely ANY type of intimidation or fear tactic. Holding their feelings random “I won’t love you if…”  Using fear against you in ANY capacity.” WriterMom “Controlling the money. Any belittling comments. Negative comments in private, wonderful compliments in public.” Clara “I think a toxic relationship is when you no longer feel like yourself with a person. Toxic people will bring out the worst in a person!” Liz


What would you add to the list? Tell us in the comments.

About the Author

Angela Keck is the content & community manager for Sanity & Self. You can always find her hanging out on the Real Convo tab of the app, on our social media pages, as well as right here on the blog. In addition to being passionate about self-care, Angela is also a wife, a mother of two, and a writer (in her spare time).

Why Do We as Women Deserve Self-Care?

Why Do We as Women Deserve Self-Care?

The Self-Care Women Deserve… What Does That Mean? Why do we, as women, deserve self-care? Why do we deserve to make ourselves feel better, to be better, stronger? We’ve got a track record that shows us how many mistakes we’ve made, how many times we’ve said we’re not...

Stop Being a People Pleaser

Stop Being a People Pleaser

Be an Empowered Woman What if instead of focusing on being a people pleaser, you pleased yourself first? If you stopped pouring all of your energy into other people and started to show up in your own life for yourself each and every day? What would happen? How would...


  1. Natalie

    Yikes! This was a great read. I’ve definitely been in a toxic relationship in the past. I’m very grateful I learned from that time and am in a healthy relationship now 🙂

    • Sanity & Self

      So glad to hear you’ve moved on and healed. So important.

  2. Meghan

    Toxic Partner Syndrome: When the couple fails to successfully communicate on any and/or all issues that arise within the relationship. One of them (or both) will either use The Cold-Shoulder Method, The Manipulative Treatment, or The It’s-Always-About-Me Trick. Regardless, all of these are toxic and they don’t create real solutions.



  1. Confidence and Self-Love For Women - […] Toxic or abusive relationships: Because a woman is lacking confidence and self-love they often also feel unworthy of being…
  2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser - […] find you’re compromising boundaries, saying yes when you want to say no, and staying in unhealthy relationships you no…
  3. Feeling Lonely? Overcome Loneliness & Build Connections - […] you’re feeling lonely in a relationship, make sure you openly communicate with your partner. Work on making changes that…
  4. What is Gaslighting In Relationships - […] It’s not necessary to identify all 7 of these signs of gaslighting in relationships in order to identify that…
  5. What is emotional overload? Is unhealed trauma affecting your life? - […] trauma often has a way of showing up in our closest adult relationships. For example, in your relationship with…
  6. What is self-care? We think it's high time that phrase was redefined. - […] you’ve lost your spark, or find yourself stuck in an unhappy or unhealthy situation, then getting the type of…
  7. Feeling Lonely? Overcome Loneliness & Build Connections - […] final kind of loneliness is feeling lonely in a relationship. It’s possible to feel lonely even when your partner…
  8. A Relationship Doesn't Have to be Abusive to Be Unhealthy - […] thing is, a relationship does not have to be abusive to be unhealthy. And something that I continue to…

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share this post with your friends!