4 Reasons You Might Be a Booty Call and How to Stop Settling

Nov 26, 2019 | Relationships - Sanity & Self, Sex & Intimacy | 0 comments

Why We Settle for a Booty Call

It’s 8:42 pm. You check your phone for the 5th time to see if you’ve missed any calls or text messages… nope! You check all your social media pages to see if you’ve got a message… nope! After settling for a ‘Netflix & Chill’ night in your mind, your phone finally buzzes with a text message from him around 11 pm! Your eyes light up and your heart starts to beat quicker.

Instantly you jump up to throw on your sexiest I-woke-up-like-this outfit and head out the door. It’s not until you’re walking out of his house 6 hours later that you’re kicking yourself again…. Ugh!

This was yet another booty call!

Why doesn’t he see me for who I am?

Why do I keep settling for this from him when all I want is to be with him?

I get it and I hear you. I’ve helped dozens of women who feel the same way you’re feeling right now. In a society where sexual freedom is celebrated, how do you even recognize the difference between celebrating your sexual freedom and a plain old booty call? Here are 4 reasons you might be settling for just a booty call and 4 strategies for breaking the cycle!

Reason #1: You’re looking for fun and sexual freedom! Maybe you’ve played it safe your whole life and now you want to have a little bit of fun. You said you would “try-out” the booty call method! Now you’re stuck in a cycle after months of endless booty calls with the same guy *insert eye roll* and the problem is… you want more from him! Yes, this thing started off as a fun, sexy adventure, but now you find yourself daydreaming what it might look like to actually go out on a date.

Strategy #1: Be honest. In any situation, honesty is always better than withholding the truth. Why? Because many times our actions betray us anyway! Tell him that this little adventure has been fun, but now you’re looking for something a bit more serious. Then you could ask him what his thoughts are on dating seriously. Not the bold type? Drop a few hints to see where his head is at. Dropping a hint could look like that sentence above except, you don’t go on to ask if he’s interested. Also, who says booty calls need to stop once you’re in a committed relationship? I say keep it spicy girl! 😜 The fun doesn’t stop just because you’re now committed to one person. If it turns out he’s only looking for a booty call, I would recommend listening to Date Smarter, Find A Partner by Diana Mandell, LMSW on the Sanity & Self app.

Reason #2: You feel like it’s the only way a guy is into you! Maybe you’ve always had social anxiety that gets ten times worse when it comes to dating! Or perhaps you have some feature about your body that you don’t feel confident about, so you typically don’t think guys are into you. Or maybe you know exactly how “bootylicious” your body is, but you’re afraid a guy won’t actually like you for…well you.

Strategy #2: Fall in love with you! Honey let me tell you something, you are 100% gorgeous just the way you are! I don’t have to know you personally to know that your life has value. Despite what you believe you are someone’s reason for waking up each day! How do you fall in love with yourself? One strategy might be to listen to Empowered Woman by Airial Clark on the Sanity & Self app. Another strategy might be to figure out what it is you love and do more of that! Yet another strategy could be talking to a Relationship Expert via the Chat 1:1 service on the Sanity & Self app. Or finding a Therapist’s office to go to in person. Choose one option or all of the options! The important thing is to start the process of finding you again!

Reason #3: You’re in a life transition! Just got a divorce? Feeling lonely after moving to a new country? Had a financial crisis and ended up back with your parents? No matter the reason, this life transition is hard and most likely not what you signed up for at all! Answering that booty call helps to release some sexual tension, but you still feel the same loneliness once the fun is over. The transition isn’t something you planned, so you’re not sure when it’s going to end. You know you’re tired of being a booty call, but not quite sure how to end it while getting your needs met.

Strategy #3: Take dating seriously or leave it be. I know, I know that sentence alone is scary. You’ve heard the horror stories of dating your friends have told you and you’re too chicken to put yourself out there. I’ve got 2 guided audio recommendations for you before you start: Single Girl Anxiety by Natalie Rosado, LMHC, and Dating After Divorce by Diana Mandell, LMSW. Realistically if you’re reading this blog post, the thought of dating seriously has already crossed your mind. Kudos to you for being brave enough to consider the idea of serious dating! That is step one! The next step is to actually decide whether it’s something your life can handle right now. Dating comes with positive and negative aspects. Would the relationship pile on more stress than you’ve got with the life transition you have right now? Or would it be better to postpone the idea of dating until you’re at a more stable point in your life? You’re the only one who can make this choice, but there are Therapists, Experts, and Coaches who can help you process your thoughts around your choice!

Reason #4: You’re running away from other issues. Alright, girl… you didn’t think I’d let this post end without a bit of painful reality, did you? Most often the reason women get stuck in the booty call cycle is because the booty call covers up an underlying issue. This issue could be the self-esteem we discussed earlier. Or it could be that this is what dating looked like for you growing up. Or it could be a void you’re attempting to fill by allowing yourself to be caught in the booty call cycle. You know it, you feel it, but you’re too scared to open pandora’s box.

Strategy #4: Open the box. Honey I’ve got to be the bearer of some not so great news. If you want to move beyond the booty call cycle, you’ve got to open pandora’s box and confront whatever it is you’ve been hiding. You know it, you feel it and its not just going to go away. In fact, the issue will grow and work it’s way into a serious relationship when you start one if you don’t deal with it now. The great news is that you don’t have to open the box alone, talk to a Relationship Expert via Sanity & Self. Or go see a Therapist in their office. Not quite ready to talk to someone? Listen to Trauma & Trust by Airial Clark in the Sanity & Self app.

No matter what your reason is for being in the booty call cycle, I’m here to tell you that I believe in you! You can break the cycle and you’ve already taken the first step by reading this post! If you need some support, don’t be afraid to reach out and chat with an expert. We are here for you.


About the Author

Seida Hood is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, author of 20 Days to Better Relationships: The WORKBOOK, a member of The Maven’s Clinic Provider Practitioner Advisory Board, and CEO & Clinical Director of a prominent private practice in Plainfield, IL. Seida is a down-to-earth therapist who understands how complex relationships can be. She enjoys helping people in broken phases of life move towards wholeness, healing & happiness! Work with Seida 1:1 in Chat 1:1 and get a week of unlimited messaging for about $5 per day.

 

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