How to Grieve, Process & Empower Yourself Post-Breakup
Coping with a breakup can be incredibly challenging, but even more so when you are totally blindsided by it. In some relationships the writing was on the wall, maybe because you started to drift apart, have more frequent issues, or increasing feelings of emotional and mental drain.
When you have no warning, it is incredibly traumatic. This was not a choice you made on your own nor are you prepared for it. You have your pain, your hurt, your confusion, and overwhelm about what is next for you.
If you’re dealing with a breakup right now, you’re not alone. What you’re feeling is real and it truly matters. You are seen, heard and validated in your pain and sadness. It is okay to not be okay all the time. There will be emotional steps to take along this journey, let’s review them together.
Most importantly, give yourself time to not be okay and feel exactly what you are feeling. Validate your emotions as they come. Never judge your healing process. Desperately wanting to make sense of it all is inevitable, obsessing over the who, what, when, where, how is all a part of grieving, which is exactly what you are doing.
You are grieving the sudden death of a relationship, and while all these feelings are normal, it is not a place you want to reside longterm. Realize one second you may feel angry, the next second you feel strength, then sadness, then confused. This is all part of the emotional process. Feel each emotion. Let the tears fall and scream if you need to, holding back these strong emotions and pain could slow down your healing in long run.
When you are ready, take time for yourself to identify how you’re feeling and continue the healing process by digesting what has happened. Journal your thoughts and feelings so it is not as overwhelming and you are able to release your most private and honest thoughts.
Reflect back on the dynamics of your relationship, specifically what went well and what you would like to improve upon both for yourself and for a potential future relationship. There are always lessons to learn with each person we meet.
Even though this blindsiding initially can feel out of the blue, generally there are red flags either from the beginning or from a shift in the relationship. Often there are signs. When people show us who they are, believe them. What we do with those signs dictates what happens next for us.
No matter what happens, remind yourself that you are going to be okay, because you are going to be okay. You are a strong, powerful, beautiful, radiant woman. You are worthy and deserving of an amazing person to love you as much as you love them.
When we talk about empowerment, one of the most impactful things you can do is to raise your standards and advocate for yourself. Not just anyone should have access to you. As the saying goes, love is blind. We see what we want to see and when we wear rose-colored glasses, we don’t see red flags, we just see flags.
There are things you want to look out for when you are initially dating someone to see if it could be a good fit: Do their words match their actions? Are they moving the relationship forward? Has this person proven themselves by consistently investing in you? How someone treats you and how they make you feel says everything you need to know. Do not become infatuated with someone you’ve just met focusing on chemistry. Instead, focus on whether they are high quality and in alignment with you.
Now your healing journey can begin, and you should center that journey around empowering yourself. Engage in extra daily self-care both physically and emotionally. You can do this by starting a new hobby, reading, working out, journaling, meditating, doing yoga, watching a great movie. Whatever it is that makes you feel centered, confident and allows you to focus on yourself. Invest your time into healthy distractions. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Make sure to give yourself an emotional break sometimes.
You’re not only heartbroken, but you’re also dealing with a breakup that for you was not expected. If you are struggling on your own to bounce back, please reach out to a coach or therapist for help. Be patient and kind to yourself during this time as you grieve, process and empower yourself.
Which action steps are you taking to empower and validate yourself during the healing process?
About the Author
Diana Mandell is an international dating coach, relationship expert, author and public speaker with a Masters in Social Work and BA in Psychology. She specializes in helping women, men, and couples find and keep healthy and sustainable relationships. Diana’s clients refer to her as the Female Hitch, highlighting her desire to help the ‘good ones’ transform their romantic lives. Since 2012, Diana has developed a personalized and exclusive dating blueprint formula to support her clients in the belief that love is possible. She helps her clients gain confidence, stop negative patterns, and create the fulfilling relationships they desire. Diana has been featured on Refinery29, NBC, The NY Post, Elite Daily, Thrive Global, and numerous other media outlets. Visit Diana online at http://dianamandell.com/ listen to her wildly popular audio content in the Sanity & Self app.