Put the “O” Back in Orgasm, The “I” Back in Climax, And the “U” Back in You
What if experiencing an orgasm could be as easy as singing that catchy song we learned to remember our vowels in Kindergarten? Well, buckle up! We’re going to talk about how it can be.
All throughout childhood, we are reminded of how important vowels play a role in the English language: A, E, I, O, U. We are even taught catchy phrases and tunes to help us to remember their importance. Did you ever think that they would also be just as important in our sexual communication in order to achieve a healthy sexual lifestyle? You are about to look at vowels a bit differently as you embrace your badass sexual self! Yes!!!!!!…..you can get there if you put your head in the game, or should I say “between the sheets”!
A- Acknowledgement and Awareness of your sexual self: Take the time to do your own sexual self-inventory. What do you like or dislike inside and outside of the bedroom? What is your use of language? Are you comfortable talking about what you desire? Being able to experience an orgasm does not just start between the sheets. It begins long before that by doing what I call, “Getting your head into the game” (or the sheets, for that matter). Most women are trying to balance many different roles: Mama.Wife.S(HE) Boss! No wonder your most precious button doesn’t ignite right away! Spend some time each day to think about your badass sexual self. Once you get your head into it by acknowledging and having awareness, you will be surprised how much more you will be tuned in and turned on!
E- Explore and Experiment: Know your body and know what is pleasurable by taking the time to explore and experiment through touch. Don’t just focus on private areas, but rather know and explore your whole body. I strongly emphasize self-stimulation; stimulation the mind, body and soul in order to better understand your sexual self and better communicate to your partner. If you don’t know your sexual self, then you can’t possibly expect your body to experience pleasure in a way to achieve orgasm. Despite what is portrayed in the media, you don’t just flip a switch to experience a mind blowing orgasm. Wouldn’t that be something! Let’s all welcome ourselves back to reality, and know that the more you understand your body, the more likely you are to experience all the different sensations.
I- Investigate and Gather Information: Don’t forget to take a mirror and examine your pink parts! Yes, I did say “pink parts”….this might require lifting and moving some things around down there. Unfortunately, our lady parts are not as present as the male anatomy, so it does take a little twisting, turning, and maneuvering to get a full view. However, I can assure you it is well worth being in the know! Don’t be afraid to feel around a bit. Know what the different types of touch feel like down there, and also assess how comfortable you are with all of your different parts, even the ones that are not as visible to the eye. It’s also ok to use props or toys to help you with becoming in the know about the different sensations. Be sure to set the context in order to relax and take your time to gather information. You might be surprised what you discover! You’ve got this, girl!
O- Taking you to the big O requires taking the time to warm up: Men are like microwaves, and women are like crockpots or ovens is a very accurate saying in the sexual health field. Focus on all the senses from start to end: What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you taste? This allows you to be attentive in a healthy way, and not get caught in a spectator role (overthinking and observing yourself as a spectator) and/or creating what I call an “orgasmic block” where you are thinking too much about the orgasm and ultimately doing what I call, “mindfucking yourself”. When we think too much about the orgasm it creates pressure, and it doesn’t allow your head to be in it in a way to be able to experience the sensations of pleasure. Rather, it creates a mind-body disconnect and takes you out of the game, so to speak. So do yourself a favor and slow both your mind and body down, be present in the moment, take the time to warm up and allow yourself to feel the different sensations, and enjoy the ride (literally)! 🙂
U- Put the U back in YOU!!!! I cannot emphasize this enough!!! It is not selfish to be focusing on you. No one else knows better what is pleasurable to you than YOU! If there is a lack of communication, stop thinking your partner can read your mind and start having a voice. If you are not taking the time to practice the vowels aforementioned, then stop thinking that you are going to be able to relax and feel amazing sensations through playing a guessing game. AGAIN… have a voice and know your badass sexual self!
Experiencing an orgasm or having a climatic experience that might involve squirting requires your mind and body to be vulnerable and willing to experience a loss of control in a good way. It’s sort of like sneezing, where it takes over your whole body in a way that might exert various sounds and sensations outside of your control. It’s okay …this is something that you are well-deserving of experiencing, especially after doing all the self-work to get YOU there. Own it and Embrace it! You are well-deserving!
Xo, Dr. J
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About the Author
Dr. Jessica Germano-Fokin (Dr.J) is a Licensed Mental Health Practitioner that specializes in sexual health and relationships. She has several years experience in psychosexual research, education, therapy, and consulting. Her patients and clients often refer to her as the “Sex Doctor”. She’s been active on local radio shows and featured in local magazines.
Dr.J’s passion is assisting individuals in areas including, but not limited to: loving yourself, dating, sexual and partner communication, relationship concerns, intimacy issues, gender identity, body image, self-esteem, anxiety and depression, sexual orientation, sexual trauma, sexual dysfunctions, sexual pleasures, and developing and maintaining a healthy relationship and healthy sexual lifestyle. Her motto is “Do YOU, For YOU and be your own S(HE) Boss: Strong•Happy•Empowered”. Stay tuned in, in touch, and turned on because you are well-deserving of embracing your sexual self and living a healthy and fulfilling sexual lifestyle. Work with Dr. J one-on-one in Sanity & Self’s Chat 1:1 or visit her online at https://www.doctorjg.com/