Start Saying No to Others and Yes to YOU

Relationships - Sanity & Self, Self-Care - Sanity & Self | 0 comments

Make it Your “No”vember and Say “F*ck Yes” to Yourself

Is it time to say no to people, places and things that have been toxic in your life in order to say F*ck Yes! to yourself? You are not alone. It is common for women to put themselves on the back burner in order to accommodate for someone else. It’s extremely common for women, in particular, to struggle with saying no to the people in our lives.

You might have plans that you have been looking forward to doing for you, maybe going to your favorite workout class or laying low with a good book and a glass of wine, and then all of a sudden your friend texts you and asks you to be her wing woman on a date. You ponder it for a couple seconds thinking about how much you were looking forward to doing what you wanted to do, and how you don’t want to go to this stupid bar to once again be the third wheel…..and then you respond “Sure”.

What changed?

What happened to doing what you wanted to do?

The Inability to Say No Syndrome

One of the most powerful words in the English language is NO! Despite it being so tiny, it’s often one of the most difficult for people to say. To get the letters N-O out of your mouth, who would have thought? If you can relate to the aforementioned, then you know exactly what I mean when I call it “the inability to say no syndrome”! Often putting your desires, wants, needs, preferences and so on behind others, and questioning each and every time why you do it. Or you might be feeling bad or guilty by saying no, but later you are beating yourself up for yet again engaging in something that you didn’t know how to say no to.

These patterns can become conditioned at an early age, and then spiral into a vicious cycle in which you have no idea how to begin to break it. It can then start to take a toll on how your feel about yourself. Your sense of self can then be lost through having an unhealthy adaptation to doing what others want to do, and not being able to do the things that bring you joy, excitement, happiness, and a sense of meaning and purpose. You then start to question who am I and what do I really want? Why am I not happy and what even brings me happiness? These are often some of the most common things that I hear from clients, especially women.

Let’s Start Saying F*ck Yes

If you can relate to the aforementioned, then let’s start the F*ck Yes Challenge today! Begin each day with saying NO to something you don’t want to do, whether it be an internal struggle (i.e., negative thought or feeling) or an external stressors (i.e. people, places and things), and saying “F*ck Yes” to something you do want to do. These would be things that give you a sense of meaning and purpose. Things that you enjoy doing. Maybe you haven’t done them in a while because you lost your sense of self, or maybe you have never given yourself the opportunity to try it out because of fear and/or insecurities. Here are some ideas to get your started with saying F*ck Yes to yourself:

  • Spend 5 minutes imaging your dream life. Let your mind wander wherever it might go. Write down what you imagined.
  • Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Feel the air fill up your belly and release slowly. Awaken your five senses. What do you see, what do you feel, what do you hear? Allow your sense to just flow. Where do they take you?
  • Think about the best parts of your life while taking a warm shower or bath.
  • Remember that other people’s opinions say more about them than you. It’s their own sh*t, not yours. Flip it around by saying “It’s not my sh*t”, and identify 3 things that are your sh*t and within your control.
  • Go for a walk, run, hike, or bike ride and take in the world around you. Get your endorphins flowing and awaken your five senses.
  • Leave yourself love notes around the house for you to randomly find. These can be positive sayings or your favorite quotes.
  • Turn your favorite song on and sing at the top of your lungs or have a dance party. Be silly, it’s OK!
  • Choose a positive mantra for the day. Google a mantra if you are struggling to think of one, or feel free to steal one of my fav’s:
    • Go Ahead. Be Your Badass Self.
    • You’re A Force To Be Reckoned With And I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way! – Hollie Hoffmann

Can I Get a F*ck Yes, Y’all!!💪🏻

Scream it at the top of your lungs!!! Make this your “No”vember for change! You are well-deserving! Do YOU, For YOU and be your own S(HE) Boss: Strong•Happy•Empowered! Do not let anything or anyone take you out of your element.

If you need help with this, please contact Dr.J. I’m happy to help you discover your f*ck yes by being your own S(HE) Boss! You can work 1:1 with Dr. J in the Sanity & Self feature Chat 1:1. Get unlimited messaging with Dr. J and learn how to start saying NO!

Xo, Dr. J

About the Author

Dr. Jessica Germano-Fokin (aka Dr. J) is a mental health practitioner specializing in sexual health & relationships. She has her doctoral degree in Mental Health Counseling and Supervision from the Warner School of Education, University of Rochester. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), and specializes in sexual health and relationships. Visit Dr. J online at and work 1:1 with Dr. J in the Chat 1:1 feature of Sanity & Self



Do you ever have a hard time saying no to others? Share your experience with this type of boundary setting below!



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