Be Sure To Be Thinking With the Right Head
With the Fifty Shades of Grey series hitting theaters a couple years ago, it’s hard not to hear about people’s theories on sexuality anywhere from how to spice up your sex life to being more kinky in the bedroom to mind-blowing orgasms. When people openly communicate about sex and sexuality, it’s a great thing; however, we do have to ask ourselves what is realistic and “normal” for our own sexual experience?
My philosophy is “to each their own” when it comes to intimacy and bedroom activity. A key component to getting started is taking the emphasis of any particular act, such as intercourse and/or orgasm. Intimacy is so much more than intercourse and achieving orgasm (often the end of our sexual experience). Paying attention to the whole body, not just particular parts, can result in full body sensations and experiences. Below I share “Dr.J’s Five C’s: Principles of Intimacy” to help with experiencing a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship and to keep all of your thinking with the right head!
Dr. J’s Five C’s: Principles of Intimacy
Communication & Clarity
As long as you are open and honest, communicative, and expressive with your partner, intimacy can be exploratory and experiential. Communication is key in order to know what is and is not pleasurable. I cannot emphasize enough that “each experience is a new experience,’‘ so something that was pleasurable and fulfilling one night might not be the same sensation in the morning. Our moods shift, which then can shift our sensations and physiological responses. Playing the guessing game and/or assuming that the same type of touch will do the trick, might be setting you up for the D’s- disappointment, distress, and/or discouragement. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open inside and outside of the bedroom in order to keep the spark going!
Consent (Consciousness) & Comfort
For sexual experimentation to be mutually gratifying, both (all) parties must give full consent. This requires all parties to be alert, aware, and attentive. It doesn’t mean that one partner can’t be a little cautious about trying something for the first time, but this does mean that permission needs to be granted without coercion, manipulation, force and/or pressure. It is also important for both (all) parties to be able to say “stop” or have a safe word identified to be able to implement at any time. As stated above, open, non-judgmental communication leads to healthy and satisfying sexual experience. If one partner doesn’t consent to something, then it doesn’t happen. Wherever there is internal or external force or pressure that is non-consensual, it diminishes the ability to experience pleasure. By decreasing pressure, your mind and body can be relaxed, feel safe and secure, and be vulnerable enough for enhanced pleasure.
Don’t get caught up trying to “master” the acts you see in media, pornography, erotica, etc. Often times what is portrayed in media is not reality. Intimacy tends to be glorified and glamorized for the audience, leaving many with distorted views of what is considered “normal”. Instead, you can use these forms to help “warm-up” and/or open the lines of communication as far as what might be pleasurable and fulfilling. You can then make it your own through exploring and experimenting. This will be much more passionate and exciting, plus it will take the pressure off trying to fulfill potential unrealistic fantasies.
Be true to yourself and your partner by thinking with the right head and having fun! After all, your mind is the biggest sex organ! Keeping your head in the game by being open, honest, connected, relaxed and playful can allow for a harmonious mind-body connection and result in mind-blowing intimacy. Stay tuned in and in touch for our next discussion on “Putting the “O” Back in Orgasm and the “I” Back in Climax”.
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About the Author
Dr. Jessica Germano-Fokin (Dr.J) is a Licensed Mental Health Practitioner that specializes in sexual health and relationships. She has several years experience in psychosexual research, education, therapy, and consulting. Her patients and clients often refer to her as the “Sex Doctor”. She’s been active on local radio shows and featured in local magazines.
Dr.J’s passion is assisting individuals in areas including, but not limited to: loving yourself, dating, sexual and partner communication, relationship concerns, intimacy issues, gender identity, body image, self-esteem, anxiety and depression, sexual orientation, sexual trauma, sexual dysfunctions, sexual pleasures, and developing and maintaining a healthy relationship and healthy sexual lifestyle. Her motto is “Do YOU, For YOU and be your own S(HE) Boss: Strong•Happy•Empowered”. Stay tuned in, in touch, and turned on because you are well-deserving of embracing your sexual self and living a healthy and fulfilling sexual lifestyle. Work with Dr. J one-on-one in Sanity & Self’s Chat 1:1 or visit her online at https://www.doctorjg.com/