Stop Being a People Pleaser

Emotional Health - Sanity & Self | 4 comments

Be an Empowered Woman

What if instead of focusing on being a people pleaser, you pleased yourself first? If you stopped pouring all of your energy into other people and started to show up in your own life for yourself each and every day?

What would happen?

How would that feel?

What’s stopping you?

Why are you a people pleaser?

Often we start to focus our energy on seeking attention and approval from others because of a lack of confidence in ourselves. We’re missing that key piece of self-esteem and self-confidence so we begin to seek some external validation. When we start to receive it we take that as positive reinforcement and a pattern is established.

What’s wrong with being a people pleaser?

Nothing, at first. But if this becomes a long-term pattern for you soon you’ll find you’re compromising boundaries, saying yes when you want to say no, and staying in unhealthy relationships you no longer want to be in. By seeking all of our approval from outward sources, and not seeking any type of validation from ourselves, we’re not showing up in our own lives for ourselves the way we need to.

By becoming an empowered woman we set healthy boundaries. We show up for others, but we also show up for ourselves. We ask for what we need when we need it, and we, in turn, gain the respect of those around us by doing what we need to do.

In the video above Airial Clark leads us through a simple exercise to begin to shift our focus off of external validation and into internal validation. She also discusses that self-care isn’t just a means of becoming more productive but rather is a way to prioritize ourselves. And we all need that in today’s busy world.


What Does it Mean to be an Empowered Woman?


  • Personal: Being empowered is personal because it’s about caring about what YOU want to care about. Not what you’re told to care about by society.
  • Saying No: You’re probably tired right now while you’re reading this, right? So empowerment is about saying no, unapologetically. It’s about saying you can’t do that thing you’re being asked to do right now. You have enough on your plate.
  • Time & Space: Setting a time and space where you are accountable only to yourself. Yes, you can do it. Even if it’s only 5 minutes, you can.
  • Support: Any empowerment plan is entitled to come with the resources to do it. It’s totally okay if right now, reading this, you don’t know what those resources are. Acknowledging you don’t have all the answers is also empowering.
  • Authenticity: Being honest with yourself, having an authentic sense of who you are, what you want, and saying to yourself “I am not ashamed of who I am.”
  • Not Sacrificial: Often as women we sacrifice parts of ourselves to meet a goal or a need. We give up sleep, we give up food, exercise, friendships and so much more. Being empowered is a “no sacrifice required” situation.

Celebrate Your Journey

What if, just for today, you went through the day thinking about how accomplished, smart, capable you are today compared to the woman you were a few years ago? What if, you focused on how far you’ve already come instead of how far you have still to go?

Today, look at the women around you and acknowledge their grace. Instead of thinking, “Wow she’s got it all and I’ve got…well, what I’ve got”. Today try looking at the women you see and think, “Wow they’ve got so much grace”. Acknowledging another woman’s grace is a great way to empower her, while you are empowering yourself.


Watch the video above and listen to the wisdom of Airial Clark, Women’s Empowerment Coach and Sanity & Self Expert.

About the Author

Angela Keck is the content & community manager for Sanity & Self. You can always find her hanging out on the Real Convo tab of the app, on our social media pages, as well as right here on the blog. In addition to being passionate about self-care, Angela is also a wife, a mother of two, and a writer (in her spare time).

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  1. Natalie

    WOW! This is something I find myself doing every day. Need to keep these tips in mind the next time I find myself falling into this trap.

    • Sanity & Self

      So many of us interpret being a people pleaser as just being kind to others, but when it goes too far it can become self-sabotage. Keep doin’ you girl!!

  2. Crystal

    This is one thing I am not. But it took nearly three and a half decades for me to understand and learn not to be a people pleaser. Today, I have no problem saying no and establishing boundaries. Unfortunately, I still sacrifice my time and energy too much when others do too little. This is an area for improvement.

    • Sanity & Self

      I agree there are degrees to being a people-pleaser. Finding it easy to say “no” is a HUGE first step. Congrats!!



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